>"Curtains of Existence" Big Tent Poetry – #47 revision prompt

>Black curtains have lifted,
exposing, evaporating, extracting
Stitches have been edged tautly
Coiffure is smooth, sleek, supple   
My body is arranged precisely between
The scarlet silken veil behind closed eyes
No movements
Nothing to be heard within, only a
yearning to go on auspicious journeys
That was the existence I cherished
when amongst the living …
longing, languishing, lushness
Supercilious lines have entered lost vision,
aligned on wires converging
A thousand birds have come to whisper in my ear
to tell me of my soul’s travel

*You’ll find the original poem here:


I prefer the revision myself, though they are both a bit dark.

I appreciate all comments.

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