A Scar that Never Fades dVerse-Meeting the Bar:Critique and Craft

A broken milk bottle,
shattered shards at my feet,
crimson runs in spirals,
gathering in frozen earth

bare of life on a downcast sky;
red is warm as it eases
along the cuff of a torn
jacket, dangling in time’s

backward motion
I try to rub the scar from
my skin in salt water’s
rising surge

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16 responses to “A Scar that Never Fades dVerse-Meeting the Bar:Critique and Craft

  1. Pam,
    Sometimes the scar lingers on in our mind more than the the physical marks which can be seen. Very good imagery. Beautiful poem!

  2. As MK says, powerful. I paused at the use of the present tense in the first stanza: if the scar never fades, it has to have happened some time ago; then a dramatic shift to the present for the conclusion. I’m probaably missing something, as usual!

  3. i for one am rather fond of scars, but this one rings much deeper…even still our scars remind to remind us…

  4. Beautiful. The last stanza really ties it all together in time, past, present and future are all in there.
    Your use of ‘crimson’ and ‘red’ enhance the image of thick viscous dripping and spiralling on the cold earth.
    ‘Shattered shards’ is another standout combination.

    Bravo
    avril

  5. Lots of layers in this one… great images, too!

  6. Vividly written – well done!

  7. this is tight – esp. the part with rubbing the scar with saltwater..excellent metaphor for the wounds of life..

  8. I can see backward and forward in time and to the moment when memory is front and center. Nicely written.

  9. Ouch, this poem makes me feel pain. I like ‘crimson runs in spirals.’ Can you still see this scar? Like Brian, I am kind of fond of scars. They remind me of stories of the past, situations worked through, pains healed.

  10. Yes like Mary I like the red spirals. It feels like standing there in shock.

I appreciate all comments.

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