Comb and Wattle Joseph Harker’s Reverie Three: symbolic frolic

There is a part of day
where grey lifts its shadow — morning
Raising red-gloved headdress,
I hear his voice sheeting
through the wind; invisible struts,
subtle scratches hug earth;
he waves me with qui-qui-ri-quí

process notes: qui-qui-ri-quí is Spanish for cock-a-doodle-doo (but, you already knew that). This is open for critique. I feel like this exercise escaped me, but I kind of like the poem.

I asked for Margo’s help with this, and was delighted to find out I was actually on the same page as her. Here is her tweaking of my poem, and now with that in mind (when I have time, as well). I will rewrite mine someday…

*I don’t think you need to tell us it’s morning. You have told us it’s a ‘part of day’ and you use the verb ‘lift’ which people tend to associate with day arriving.

‘Raising red-gloved headdress, I hear…’ Can you hear that it reads as if you are lifting the headdress?

It is wakes, yes?

There is a part of day
where grey lifts its shadow —
Raising red-gloved headdress,
he struts invisible struts,
scratches hug earth;
I hear his voice sheeting
through the wind; he wakes
the day with qui-qui-ri-quí
saluting the sun.

Now you have him as a symbol of daybreak.

Margo

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5 responses to “Comb and Wattle Joseph Harker’s Reverie Three: symbolic frolic

  1. I kinda like this poem too. And I know exactly what you mean about the exercise – I think the cockerel is probably a symbol for morning? In French, cock a doodle doo is cocorici. Not so different.

  2. Viv, maybe this would have worked better, if I had approached the symbol in a more cryptic fashion? Nonetheless, I did give it a try, *sigh*
    Spanish and French are not so different, as they are both Latin-based languages.

  3. Pam,
    Unfortunately we don’t have an equivalent but we welcome the coming of dawn just the same.

    Hank

  4. I think it works well, and I also think you should write a second one that makes a leap to the next possibility. 🙂 For instance: daybreak. Think about the different ways to approach the day aside from newness (maybe apprehension/fear, resignation, or determination). That may color how the rooster and his actions appear (threatening, loathsome, and inspiring, respectively) and affect the images in turn.

I appreciate all comments.

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