Me and a Book or is it A Book and I? The Whirl and Napowrimo #15

Sweet folds no longer blend harmony,
caressing softness, having been pushed aside;
but on certain days
I dream energy, as flames surround me;

a light breath smolders, leaving ash
tricks richer than lies, distort dramatic
fantasy

we exchange flexible words,
nothing forceful, forever gentle
in your glance

Process notes: not happy with this one, oh what the heck!
I will be round to read tomorrow. I have to get away from
this darn computer tonight. Back to work tomorrow.

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12 responses to “Me and a Book or is it A Book and I? The Whirl and Napowrimo #15

  1. smiles…i am glad you still post even when you are not happy with it…i like the opening stanza…the second and third spin out a bit for me…often i have to go back and check myself by asking what am i trying to say..

  2. Yes, yes, Brian. I like little of this, but I felt some kind of pressure to post. I hate how that feels. I do however appreciate your comment.

  3. The center is my favorite stanza. Reread in a week or so, and see where you go with the piece. I’m with Brian. I’m glad you post, even when you are not happy with it.

  4. I do like how you end it and also the center stanza, only the first stanza needs some tweaking.

  5. Like bren says, come back in a week and pull out the phrases you like and write a new poem regardless of the wordle. Or, ignore the whole thing 🙂

    Another week nearer summer holidays, Pamela.

  6. I know how you feel about posting poems you aren’t happy with. We’ve all been there. I do like “tricks richer than lies” – it hints at a lot – a lot of meaning could be mined there.

    Richard

  7. Yes, Richard. These words wouldn’t sing for me. I like that part as well.

  8. “but on certain days
    I dream energy, as flames surround me;

    a light breath smolders, leaving ash”

    Those lines alone are a poignant poem. I really think you could expand on this and come out with an outstanding piece.

  9. magicalmysticalteacher

    The smoldering breath that leaves ash is my favorite image from this poem.

    A Whirling Baker’s Half-Dozen

I appreciate all comments.

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