“Colibris on Plaid Blankets” The Sunday Whirl #57

Chiseled hips window the secrets of grief
on mountains; I’ve photographed these:
flowers blooming in a hummingbird’s view

Where I’ve rested a hand amongst colour’s
marrow in my desert sky, crocuses
spread wide as breastbones grasp
deep within stillness

Pivoting, adjusting to massive
spaces, a clatter of constellations
perhaps leads to silence

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45 responses to ““Colibris on Plaid Blankets” The Sunday Whirl #57

  1. There is wonderful rhythm here and alliteration – all tumbles about me – quite beuatiful… “pivoting, adjuting” “clatter of constellations” and the contrasts in language for example “perhaps leads to silence” lovely 🙂

  2. ‘crocuses
    spread wide as breastbones grasp
    deep within stillness’
    Really lovely imagery Pamela.

  3. crocuses
    spread wide as breastbones grasp
    deep within stillness

    excellent line…the wide as breast bones’….sets up the deep within stillness so well…..love the visuals and feel of this one…

  4. Oh the things that come out of the deep stillness. Poignant and illusive.

  5. Pamela, I love “flowers blooming in a hummingbird’s view.” And the contrast between crocuses spreading wide and the stillness within. Lovely write.

  6. Brenda and I are on the same track today. Everywhere I go, she is one step ahead and with the line I like! Love the idea of a hummingbird’s view.

    Can you believe it’s already this weekend? Weren’t we just talking last weekend? Have a good week, Pamela.

  7. Gorgeous, Pamela! I love your title, spectacular as always! I love “marrow in my desert sky.” Such a beautiful line!

  8. Lovely. Especially the pivot into expansive. I’m still trying to figure out the title and first line, though. (Google gives me Mexican football as well as the hummers.)

    • Colibri is hummingbird, but I am unsure of the plural. I have had two conflicting spellings from people. As for the opening, I am not so happy with it. I thought I liked it last night, and now I think it stinks. 🙂

  9. “a clatter of constellations, perhaps leads to silence” the ending so beautiful.. 🙂 loved it thoroughly!

  10. Neat images! Love reading where people go with the wordles.

  11. Your words read like your photograph; visual and expressive, Read aloud, an audible treat for tired eyes. Very nice.

  12. This is sensational! Like Walt, I found myself reading it aloud and it trips off the tongue so beautifully – the images are wonderful as well but I love the “clatter of constellations” best of all – inspired Pamela, inspired.

    http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/05/no-one-would-think.html

  13. I loved the line about the clatter of constellations leading to silence…beautiful.

  14. Kind of a healing nature poem, Pamela.

  15. Wonderful juxtapositions throughout Pamela. You have an artist’s eye for vivid imagery.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/

  16. I really like a lot of this:
    using window as a verb,
    everything about the 3rd line,
    spread wide as breastbones,
    colours marrow
    clatter of constellations

    I think that is pretty much the whole poem. I liked it.

  17. “A clatter of constellations,” what an inspired line, and leading to the silence of stargazing! This is lovely, so lovely I read it twice aloud. Thanks, Pamelita! Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/21/always-and-forever-ironweed-dammit/

  18. Lyrical prose that is captivating.

  19. Oh! I love this – captivated by the show instead of tell. Telling has generally been my form of poetry, and one that I love, to the constant consternation of my critics. However, I do very much appreciate a number of styles and your wonderful example of “show” is truly marvelous.

    I have said in many of my comments that I had not yet read one of the #57 entries (yet) that avoided the depression of death and grief. Here you have accomplished that by the simple trick of using “grief” in the first line and moving well beyond it! Ingenious! 😆

    BTW, your “Comment request line” has in it what I consider a fallacy: critiques can be compliments as well as negative comments. A critique is something I identify as a genuine opinion of someone’s work that is constructive, helpful, and sometimes instructive. Critiques are what I crave the most because they are the comments that help me move along in my quest to become a true poet. Compliments are wonderful – I like getting them too – but they are seldom instructive, just ego-boosters! 😆

    Also, I would love your help in helping me to find a genuine poetry editor and “critiquer” who is interested in helping a fledgling poet, I have tried many different sites that are designed for that sort of thing, but the comment sections are open to everyone and are often made by people who really have no background in critiqueing/editing. That is not to say that I do not appreciate the time that so many put into their responses, but they ultimately offer no true technical help. I also will add here that i have very thick skin. As long as the comments are constructive, i welcome them enthusiastically.

    Thanks again for your visit to my site, and for sharing your own wonderful entry here on #57!

    Paula

  20. Wonderful spinning of words and thoughts – inspiring and ever so vivid!

  21. Just catching up after a few not so great days. There is a comfort in your words that is soothing to my ruffled feathers. Thanks for your visit.

  22. Jules, sorry to hear things aren’t going well. I hope things have settled down for you. Thanks.

I appreciate all comments.

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