“The First Time” The Sunday Whirl #108

Shake the dust from the past,
cast light, life moves along,
never decide to wear the ugly
scar when it’s born circling
a backyard on the docks
where rabbits
make scratching sounds,
celebrating names;
white pillow time
breaks and binds
unreachable beliefs.

Chant in crooked hand,
fist of feathers, darkness’s drone,
vows of virtue, morbid-mouthed,
sad spaced, love loses the sun in sin.


19 responses to ““The First Time” The Sunday Whirl #108

  1. Good wordling, though darkness’s drone is a hell of a mouthful to try and say!

  2. Love the alliteration, so many great images! That first line is spectacular!

  3. rabbits and white pillows…made my imagination run to wonderland..a good wonderland where dust is swept neatly away..

  4. well you gave my toungue a workout around these words…ha….rather twisty and a bit of magic in them as well pamela…the back yard dock rabbit hutch…my grandfather had em…made me think back to there…

  5. Love your vivid imagery and the rabbits in the backyard. I am getting better very slowly,


  6. ‘never decide to wear the ugly scar’, I like the idea of that; we can display them or put them away…like the end line a lot as well

  7. I suppose the most telling part of this intriguing parts of this piece were the title and the ultimate line. This conjured up the the guilt felt at the loss of innocence at the first time love making.

  8. Rabbits and names and first times, oh my. This scratches deep at something in my own experience, Pamela. There’s power in your words.

  9. Mysterious and visual.
    /love loses the sun in sin/ is a great line.

  10. This is wonderful so enjoyable to read! Love the language

  11. Love the images in the final stanza, Pamela. And the sounds because of the alliteration are wonderful.

  12. I love it all…especially the last line!

  13. I’m a sucker for alliteration. You had me at “Shake”

  14. cast light, life moves along,
    never decide to wear the ugly
    I like these lines. I guess it is best to put your best foot forward!

  15. Spellbinding. Indeed I had visions from Macbeth reading it.

  16. Brilliantly worded – love the alliteration, well, all of it really!

    Anna :o]

  17. Love the sound of this, especially the last line.

  18. Thanks all, I will be round to see those of you who I have missed, life gets in the way sometimes.

  19. Hate to repeat but the sounds and imagery held me. Thanks for the read.

I appreciate all comments.

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