Missus Mythology rev2 We Write Poems #195-Weather Report

Mrs. Sophist
invites in Cavendish turn, abandoned by all,
abandoned forthwith, abandoned elsewhere yet insistence recoils lest affinity whispers unscrupulous fear with man’s tirade in snow,
but insistence that’s something without.

Studied regard her slick fedora dancing at nothing left seen, or something once lost in a dream

Danger of tarantella hovers between Mrs. Didn’t and husband – lonely and crazed, and at night this charade of a saddened world sings from a flowery grave.

Yet each evening at midnight their music grows soft and together they’re at last, in mythical beauty her hair floats golden as dawn arises over the trees.

Her slightened naivety, his equal philosophy, anyone might be deceased while alive in the sophomore wood, thus called as it were.

Advertisements

5 responses to “Missus Mythology rev2 We Write Poems #195-Weather Report

  1. Although this version has more clarity, I’d try to eliminate one of the ‘deceased’ in those final lines. It looses its punch in the repetition.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/weathering-effects/

  2. Yet each evening at midnight their music grow soft and together they’re at last, in mythical beauty her hair floats golden as dawn arises over the trees.

    Being with someone so endearing is the ultimate. Well crafted Pamelita!

    Hank

  3. I like both versions, but the second one seems to flow better. The first version is disjointed for me…of course, a disjointed poem can be disjointed for a reason, so I don’t ignore that possibility.

    I considered Elizabeth’s comment and I tend to agree. I’ve always thought of “deceased” as a softer euphemism for “dead”. But that might be just me.

    I love that “hair floating golden as dawn arises”. That’s not just a weather report, but a very concrete and beautiful visual.

    -Nicole

  4. Thanks so much, Nicole. I am on my to read you at this moment. I am a bit behind in my reading for personal reasons.

    Pamela

I appreciate all comments.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s